Soul Surfer
Low Swank | About | All Essays | Subscribe
Property Overview
Get ready for an unforgettable Outer Banks vacation at the deceptively photographed “Soul Surfer” on the oceanfront! Located directly on the beach in Nags Head, it was the only house that even mildly fulfilled criteria when the group chat planned this annual multi-family getaway more than 11 months ago. And sure, for the same price you could easily have gone to Europe instead—but what could the Mediterranean offer that this beloved North Carolina island chain does not? Certainly not “Dirty Dick’s Crab House,” nor a convenience store named “Biscuits N’ Porn.” This is America, baby, humming along at its most American, filled with families who prioritized Trump 2028 flags on their packlists, erecting them proudly from the beds of their Ford F-10-50s as they cruise up and down the beach road. That’s not a typo. They have Ford F-10-50s in the Outer Banks. Does Barcelona? Cinque Terre? I don’t think so.
Bedrooms
There are exactly enough bedrooms for each family to claim one or two, depending on whether or not there are kids involved, and you will be convinced for the entirety of the week that you have landed the absolute worst one. Don’t worry, all of you are thinking this (but you’re just so glad to be together that no one really holds a grudge). From bunk to king, every bed in the house has gone u-shaped in the manner of an Old El Paso crunchy taco shell, engineered by time and overuse to put the most back-pain-prone Dads in your group out of commission for at least a day or two. This is unfortunate; you rely fully upon their enthusiastic labor to stake the umbrellas on the beach every morning. You’ll find a way to manage.
Bathrooms
Soul Surfer on the oceanfront boasts seven full bathrooms and two half-baths, and the important thing to note is that the single outdoor shower is the only one that will be turned on over the course of the one-week rental agreement. Sure, it’s splintery and the hot and cold taps are marked incorrectly (if at all), the lock is a mere hypothetical, anyone looking down from the third-floor balcony will bear witness to your body at an angle not even intended for God—but rinsing off after a day spent reading in the sun is nothing short of bliss. This trip might be starting to feel worthwhile.
Kitchen
Okay actually, things started to feel worthwhile on Night One, after the Dance of the Bedroom Claiming and the jostling for pantry space had been completed, and only after you’d sanitized every doorknob and cabinet handle with your personal XL bottle of antibacterial spray. You looked around the dinner table at these friends who are actually family, feeling almost dizzy at the sheer, overwhelming luck of being able to spend this time together every year. The kids were huddled laughing over their pizza, the littlest one missing two front teeth and the oldest a carbon copy of his Dad. A thousand-watt light bulb illuminated the collective greys and hard-won smile lines on the grown-ups, and none of them had ever looked more beautiful. You thought about the passage of time and who you all were and are and will be, but those thoughts do not and cannot change the fact that the kitchen inventory includes: 19 lids of various sizes, none of which match any of the 11 loose-handled pots and skillets. There is no egg pan, or worse, there is an egg pan, but the nonstick coating is so scratched that you are compelled to save the next renters’ lives by depositing it directly in the trashcan, which is four sizes smaller than it should be for a house with seven bedrooms. There are three plastic platters shaped like fish but not a single vessel that can reasonably serve pasta, one small-to-medium-sized colander (plastic, cracked), and chef knives just sharp enough to delight a ticklish child were you to poke them with it.
Things to Know
At least one family will spend the first half of the week pretending they didn’t arrive sick; a second will take over to ride that wave until it’s time to go home. The antibacterial spray will be gone by day five. The annual talent show will once again be pure dramaturgical gold, and you can only hope an emotionally wrought reenactment of the “Bring me the big knife/I ain’t no freakin’ monument to justice” scene from Moonstruck resonates so deeply with these children that its impact—its passion—is felt for all the rest of their days. You will allow yourself to stay up well past your bedtime on two (2) nights playing rummy and laughing until you cry. You will catch one (1) sunrise and see four (4) dolphins. You will return home dangerously close to having mercury-poisoned yourself on fresh-caught tuna.
Please Note
While every effort is made for a smooth stay, occasional maintenance issues can still occur—but the mere fact that no one caught hand, foot and mouth disease from the pool this year incites a flurry of vacation-rental-link-sharing in the group chat over July and August. Eventually you’ll have to admit the Europe trip you’ve long been threatening has won out, but next June, as you wander along Las Ramblas, you’ll have a sudden longing for your little slice of North Carolina beach life. Pan con tomate and the pure, unadulterated absence of America’s #1 best-selling truck numb the pain, but still, you make a mental note to start planning the following year’s trip once you’re back and spiritually ready to spend money again. By that point the remaining rental inventory will be close to offensive, but as long as you can strong-arm your way into a king bed and ensuite bathroom…you’re mostly willing to give it another go.
“Soul Surfer” emailed out 6.23.2026 with newsletter-exclusive extras. Subscribe for free here.